Monday, September 1, 2008

The Dying Man Who Taught Me How To Live

This week I’d like to write about Randy Pausch. I never heard of the man until yesterday when a friend, Rafael Osumo, introduced the name & talked a little bit about the person. It was during Sunday school that I saw a shortened version of his renowned “Last Lecture”. It was presented in the Oprah Winfrey show.

Randy Pausch was a Computer Science Professor at Carnegie Mellon University. He died last month of pancreatic cancer. When he gave his “Last Lecture” at the University, he had only months to live.

I would like to share excerpts from his lecture as they relate to life. You can watch the full version in this blog article.
It somewhat came as a surprise for a Computer Science professor to talk about “Childhood Dreams” in a classroom lecture. Then again, it was a personal preference in response to the question: “If you only have months to live, and is asked to lecture on something, what would it be? What would you talk about”?

It was ironic for a man who’s dying to talk about life and how to live. Randy said he didn’t want to be the object of pity. He didn’t like what he was going through because he has 3 little children. He couldn’t do anything about the fact that he was going to die. He said he couldn’t control the cards he’s dealt, just how he plays the hands.

CHILDHOOD DREAMS
In the lecture, he talked about his childhood dreams. He related that he couldn’t find any childhood pictures where he wasn’t smiling. He had a great childhood. He said as a child he dreamed. It was an easy time to dream when you turn on the television and see man landing on the moon: anything is possible. He said we should never lose that spirit.

He dreamed to be a part of the National Football League (NFL), which never happened. He said that “if you don’t achieve your dreams you can still get a lot by trying for it”. That’s important to know. He quoted an expression that he loves, “experience is what you get when you don’t get what you wanted”.
He talked about how his football coach “rode” him all the time during practice. He thought that was a good thing. It meant that he cared. “When you’re doing a bad job and nobody points it out to you, that’s when they’ve given up on you”, he said.

Next he talked about his other dream: A Walt Disney Imagineer. When he was 8 years old his family took a pilgrimage to Disneyland in California. He described it as an “incredible experience”. He was impressed with the rides, the shows, and attractions. He wanted to make stuffs like the ones he saw in Disneyland when he gets older. When he graduated from college, he tried to be an imagineer. Imagineers are the people who “make the magic”. His applications got rejected. He tried again after graduate school and still got rejected. He jested about how he kept those rejection letters and thought they were inspirational.

He worked hard until he became a junior faculty member. He specialized in doing research. There was one “Virtual Reality Research” that he was involved in. By so doing, he developed a skill that was valuable to Disney. That was his chance. He became part of the imagineering team and they worked on something called “Alladin’s Magic Carpet Ride”. It took him over 15 years to finally get a start in Disney. What he learned from that experience is: The brick walls that are in our way are there for a reason. They’re not there to keep us out. They’re there to give us a way to show how much we want it.

GOOD PARENTS: Key to having childhood dreams
He also recommended that we need to have good parents in order for us to have childhood dreams. He said he had great parents. He went on showing slides of his mother and father in their 70’s and 80’s. His mom was riding a go-cart and his dad, a roller coaster. He said there is that notion of “have fun all the time. Have a sense of fun and wonder. That should never go away”.

His dad fought in World War II. He died a little over a year ago. Randy said that while his mom was going through his things, she discovered that her husband was awarded the Bronze Star for Valor, during World War II. In 50 years of marriage, it has never come up. That is a great lesson in humility.

Randy went on to talk about his mother. He described mothers as “people who love you even when you pull their hair”. Her mother was also an example of humility to him. He recalled when he was going through graduate school; she was always there to keep him on check. He said when he was taking really hard examinations, he would go home and whine, complain about how hard those PH. D tests were. His mother would just pat his arm and say “we know how you feel. Just remember that when your father was your age, he was fighting the Germans in World War II”. Finally when Randy got his PH.D, his mother introduced him to everyone saying, “this is my son, he’s a doctor, but not the kind that helps people”.

He remembered how his parents let him paint his bedroom. He drew a rocket ship. They lived in a ranch so he wanted an elevator—he painted one. He also painted the quadratic equation on the wall. He said that the great thing is that his parents let him do it. They let him express his creativity. They thought that was “more important than the pristine nature of the walls”.

PEOPLE VS.THINGS
His parents also taught the importance of people vs. things. He recalled buying his first car when he got older. On weekends he would take his niece (Laura) and nephew (Christopher), with him so his sister would get a little break. They would go on adventures. His sister would explain to the kids how it’s a no-no to get Uncle Randy’s new car dirty. The kids were just cracking up laughing because over her shoulder, they were casually emptying a can of soda over the back seat of Randy’s car. His sister was like, “what are you doing?” and Randy would respond, “It’s a thing. It’s just a thing”. He was glad he did that because at the end of the weekend as he was driving the kids home, Kris who was 8 at the time had a flu and he threw up all over the back seat of his car. Take note of this: Randy said, “I don’t care how much value you get out of owning a nice shiny pristine thing. It’s not as good as I felt knowing that I made an 8 year old boy not feel guilty just because he had the flu”.

DECIDE WHAT YOU ARE
Next he said that we have to decide early on if we’re a Tigger or an Eeyore. Tiggers are energetic, optimistic, curious, and enthusiastic. They have fun. He said not to ever underestimate the importance of having fun. He said he’s dying soon and he’s choosing to have fun “today, tomorrow, and every other day I have left”.

WORK AND PLAY WELL WITH OTHERS
Tell the Truth

Randy continued by saying that if we want to achieve our dreams, we must work and play well with others. Live with integrity—simple advise that we’ll find hard to follow: Just tell the truth.

Apologize (properly)
He admonished that when we screw up, apologize. There are a lot of bad apologies in America, if not the world. He said that a good apology has 3 parts: 1. I’m sorry, 2. It was my fault, and 3. How do I make it right? He lamented that most people skip the 3rd part. That’s how one can tell sincerity.

Wait, and people will show you their good side
There are people that we don’t like—that have done things we don’t like. Randy emphasized that he found out that no one is pure evil. He said that if we wait long enough, people will show us their good side. We can’t make them do it in a hurry, but we can be patient.

SHOW GRATITUDE
When he got tenure, as a young faculty member, there were about 15 young kids who had been working in his research lab. He took them out to Disney World for a week. He paid for the expenses. One of his colleagues said that that might have cost him a fortune. How could have he possibly done it? He responded: “These kids work day and night for years so that I could get the best job in the world for life. How could I not do it”? Gratitude is a very simple and powerful thing.

DON’T COMPLAIN; JUST WORK HARDER
Most of the time we hear our colleagues talk negatively about how things aren’t going the way they should in the company. They rub that attitude to us and we tend to complain about our work, as well. Then someone would say “don’t complain, just do your job”, but here’s a better advise I’ve never thought of for a long time.

Randy didn’t think that complaining and whining really solves the problem. He talked about Jackie Robinson, the first African-American Major League Baseball player. He had in his contract not to complain if people spit on him. It doesn’t matter if we’re Jackie Robinson or like Randy who only has couple of months to live. We can choose to take our finite time, energy, and effort, and we can spend it complaining or we “can spend it playing the game hard”—which is probably going to be more helpful in the long run.

WHY RANDY GAVE THE TALK
The lecture was part of a series given at Carnegie Mellon University. Randy said that his talk isn’t just about how to achieve our childhood dreams. It’s much broader than that. He said it’s about how to live our life. If we lead our life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. The dreams will come to us.

“If you live properly, the dreams will come to you”. – Randy Pausch

It was so stirring to find out that Randy didn’t just give this lecture to the 400 people in Carnegie Mellon who came, and so many have benefited from it. He wrote the lecture for 3 people—his kids. He hopes that when they get older, they could watch it.



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